7 months later I heard from the man responsible for my agonizing journey of crushing love. I cried when I got the email. Cried as if I were given answers to all the world's mysteries. Once the tears settled, I realized he had made no apologies for disappearing into the ether. Instead it was such pleasantries as, "I thought about you today", "it was meaningful," and "hope you're well," but nothing to settle the only mystery that mattered.
Within the week, my friend, Gab, tagged me on a picture where I am smiling. I looked so happy there, but I remember that weekend getaway. Emotions were a vivid double rainbow in gray skies. Gab and I roomed together, experiencing similar heartache. We both laughed, cried, drank, danced hard, made trips to our room rather than socialize. We slept deeply and dreamed of recent days past; when the sun was bright. In the photo it's as if my body is facing the future and my eyes are looking to the past. I think I've been reclining in this position for a while now. Hoping...
I ended up replying to the email. There were so many ways I could have closed this chapter and, yes, I came spiraling out of violetblue to hope a little, too. Maybe he's missing
US? In my heart I knew that wasn't true. So I just said exactly what I thought. I told him I was surprised, doing well, thinking of him, too, and wondering what happened. I didn't ask for anything or profess anything. Just told the truth.
Though the door is ajar now, my plan is to get up and keep walking. Eventually, I'll find another way out.
