We’ve Got the Jazzzzzzzz

I think I've got the jazz. Though, I always appreciated its smooth, complex sound; the way it coats a soul with ease and pizzazz and all the blues of spirits so profound, it was far and away. Oh but I'm slowly coming around. I feel connected in this newness as if I had been crooning all along. The players from the past speak to me. So much so, that recently, I was compelled to answer back. I did something wild. I formed a jazz quartet and – we’ve all got it now. The group wants to explore and expand on this art form. They want to be decent and honor the greats. Me? I just want to understand, not only the sound, but what is behind or underneath. The blueprints - to keep getting it for a while.

"We've got the jazz, we've got the jazz, we've got the jazz, we've got the jazz, we've got the jazz, we've got the jazz, we've got the jazz" - A Tribe Called Quest (1995 album A Low End Theory)

A Model Confession

While I'm engrossed in the silly catfights and self-important tirades of a Misssszz Tyra wanna-be-Oprah Banks on a certain model "reality" show, a lot of awkward insecurities settle in between commercials. Why couldn't I have luscious lips or dreamy blue eyes? Why couldn't I have naturally tanned, flawless skin or striking cheekbones? Why couldn't I have long, lean legs or flowing, fluid locks? Why can't I get paid to travel, pose, wear fabulous clothes that cost more than my car, drink, chain smoke, date rockers & actors, totally drop my last name, quit eating, get caught snorting coke & still have a career?! Maybe it sounds glamorous, but beautiful? I wonder why those silly thoughts ever enter any woman's mind. There has to be more to "the struggle" than aesthetics. Not that it's impossible for model-wannabees to worry about deeper issues. I also don't want to imply that I don't care about looking my best every damn day. But, these girls are so lost in ego, airtime, fame. They think little of anything else... or so it seems and this attitude extends outside of the fashion industry. There is a Look-at-ME generation brewing. After an episode, I usually come to the same conclusion. I got other sh*t to worry about on "the inside." Now that's a tricky business because there's a lot of work to be done there. It's a different kind of "beautiful" I'm aiming for, I suppose. One that will hopefully matter long after that show is cancelled.

The B&M Theory

My old friend "Mark" and I came up with this theory today...

Men are focused when they're young because all they want is to have sex. The mission is clear. Get laid - Next, please. Now what they do to achieve this goal is how they play the game. And oh what a dirty game it is. When they get older, the mission gets a little fuzzy. Why? Because they realize they're getting too old. It's time to think about settling down, but they don't want to lose their freedom. So the game is peppered with some genuine confusion and more sex. A battle brews within. To commit or not to commit. "Argh, I need a beer...and more sex."

For women it's ass backwards. When they're young they are soooo confused. "I want to have fun. No I don't, I want a boyfriend. I want to get married. No I don't, I just want to sleep with you and have my independence, but love me and only me. I'm cool. I'm afraid. I'm in love after a week." They tell men they can handle anything, but ultimately, sex = love. End of story. There's no separating the two. Now when women get older, they know what's up. They know what they want. There is no time for games. So they start playing the game. Lie, manipulate, even watch sports on Sunday just to get that damn ring. And yes, sex still = love.

This is stuff you already know and doesn't necessarily apply to everyone. "Mark" and I just had fun talking about men versus women and vice versa (that wasn't too confusing). It was also fun thinking we were cool because we called it "a theory." Lastly, it's purely based on our own observations and experiences.

We hooked up once. See if you can guess what that means and how it turned out...

Don't Hate the Player

Attention all males in your thirties. I need to know. Why are you still playing games? This question I pose is not an angry one or inspired by such. Although, just between you, me, and the lamppost, I have been known to express frustration by spontaneously overflowing with powerful emotion (thank you Mr. Wordsworth) after a heartbreak. Seriously, can anyone tell me what the deal is about dating? The old enough guys are so anxious and confused. Ay-ya-yay. I’ve been talking to someone, who I think is interested. It’s sad that I have to use the word “think” even though he practically molested me 2 weeks ago. This incredibly passionate kiss I received threw me for a loop. It was delicious, but probably not meant to have deeper meaning. In fact, I'm pretty sure he's unsure about getting involved. Last night I got the “I’m checking in” phone call. He nonchalantly mentioned some past relationships (as a warning to me of what not to do), let me know that he was “taking it easy” (from now on), name-dropped some girl-friends (or girlfriends, who the hell knows), asked me what I was doing this weekend (he wants to see me), etc... The game was cute for about a minute. Mostly it was tiresome. What is so scary about getting to know one good woman?! Maybe I'll just concentrate on the kiss. There, done.