Monday, March 06, 2006
Don't Hate the Player
Attention all males in your thirties. I need to know. Why are you still playing games? This question I pose is not an angry one or inspired by such. Although, just between you, me, and the lamppost, I have been known to express frustration by spontaneously overflowing with powerful emotion (thank you Mr. Wordsworth) after a heartbreak. Seriously, can anyone tell me what the deal is about dating? The old enough guys are so anxious and confused. Ay-ya-yay. I’ve been talking to someone, who I think is interested. It’s sad that I have to use the word “think” even though he practically molested me 2 weeks ago. This incredibly passionate kiss I received threw me for a loop. It was delicious, but probably not meant to have deeper meaning. In fact, I'm pretty sure he's unsure about getting involved. Last night I got the “I’m checking in” phone call. He nonchalantly mentioned some past relationships (as a warning to me of what not to do), let me know that he was “taking it easy” (from now on), name-dropped some girl-friends (or girlfriends, who the hell knows), asked me what I was doing this weekend (he wants to see me), etc... The game was cute for about a minute. Mostly it was tiresome. What is so scary about getting to know one good woman?! Maybe I'll just concentrate on the kiss. There, done.
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I'm not sure most guys are aware that they're playing games. I'm constantly asking myself if I'm playing games with someone when I'm not sure where I want the relationship to go. And I have no idea if I am or not. There's a girl I was dating as of a week or so ago, and we've barely been in touch since the last time we went out. I imagine she's figured out that it's over, but I figure I should get in touch with her and make it official. But we'd had some fun dates, and gotten pretty physical, and I certainly don't think I mislead her at any point regarding where I was at, but maybe I was playing games with her the whole time. I have no idea.
ReplyDeleteOh gosh, I don't want to sound insensitive. You're right, it's difficult to figure out how you feel about someone. Maybe my problem is the lack of clarity lately. This particular guy is interested, but mentions other women and alludes to seeing them, etc... Not to mention that I'm a one-person-at-a-time dater & I guess he's not. Um, that's a whole other issue :)
ReplyDeleteI try, as you do, to be aware and not play anyone. Of course, someone will always get hurt anyway, but that's just life... which is a whole other, more complex game.
Yeah, I just emailed the girl in question and told her that the dating thing isn't working out but it'd be nice to stay friends. So far no word back. I feel bad, like I really hurt her, at least that's what I suspect based on my suspicions of her feelings for me, but as much as I would have enjoyed all the free sex I can no longer go on dating people for long if I'm not 100% on them. Did that too much in the past and it was dumb.
ReplyDeleteI believe he's just testing the waters. Remember nothing is obvious, a man has to go on hand and arm signals, search for particular clues. It's like playing detective. It is a game and it can be dangerous. The best advice i have to offer that someone once told me 5 years ago is JUST PLAY THE GAME.
ReplyDeleteHow does one know when they've won? Hmmmm....
ReplyDeletedon't play the game.. just be yourself. of course it may still not work out and you still might get hurt but everything in life is a risk. be yourself and at least you know there is nothing you could have done better/different. and always be honest.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much guys (anonymous or otherwise) for your feedback. It really helps. Deep down I can only be myself and aware that the game exists. Who knows? Maybe I'll meet someone that doesn't play either.
ReplyDeleteBe yourself is great advice and I whole heartedly agree if every one were playing by the same rules. But unfortunately not everyone plays by the same rules. By "playing the game" I mean you have to accept certain things about men. They are sexual in nature, this is fact. If a man calls too much a woman gets turned off, this is fact. A man must understand that women need attention from their man, a man must understand that women are emotional, a man has to be the three C's--Calm, Cool and Collective. This is fact. These are innate biological programmings that no one can change. I do believe in the modern era of humanity, but certain behaviors in both sexes are just innate and most importantly both sexes are different men shouldn't expect a a woman think like a man and a woman should expect a man to think like a woman. Acceptance is the key, the more you accept things the happier you'll be. I'm not saying men don't have to change some things about them, nor am I saying women have to change. But there are certain qualities that are not biological you should change if love them. Falling in love isn't a business deal where all the cards are on the table and you're just negoating some of the terms. Not to down grade love, but it's more like a Poker game where you can't give any clues about your hand and have to keep a straight face and most of time you have to bluff. Cause we (both sexes) aren't trying to close a business deal, we're trying to win each other.
ReplyDeleteI don't play games because I'm a poor loser and an even worse winner. And, besides, I'm going grey.
ReplyDelete