How am I not an alcoholic? I've asked. Often. Facing a mirror. In the Shower. At the bar. On a couch. When I'm stupid. To my closest friends. To strangers who listen. Like my emotional affair. After the breakup. A New Years Eve meltdown. During the jazz crooning years. And my hiatus from sleeping. In the darkest room. I can't seem to shake. With the right spirit, you can pretend to know all the secrets. Tell the ones you weren't curious about. Poetry tumbler out of your mouth. The kind that doesn't rhyme or isn't metered. Spilling fantasies on a silk blouse. Head splitting into endless combinations of letters into words into sound under a paper umbrella and modesty tears everything apart. But I dance better when I don't drink.
It used to be that I spoke better English when I was tipsy. It was easier somehow. I didn’t have to be as careful, or just forgot to be, or learned that I could care less and it was good for me. Now it’s not so much about speech but more about feeling what I want to feel and saying it with less flourish and metaphor, maybe to more life.
ReplyDeleteYes. I struggle with that because I am wanting to hide in order to just say anything. Lately I like the taste so I'm not sure where the fire begins.
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