Making Changes

An important poem I wrote for workshop was swallowed up by a very public computer. All its content gone. How did I manage to go from soaking wet, filled to the brim, belly aching, whole-lot-o-love full to zero items in less than 24 hours?

I'm making changes. TBC...

Instant Coffee Fix

I just got back from my walk to the market. It was umbrella carnage out there, but I was desperate for instant coffee. The wind was so strong I thought I'd end up dangling from a traffic light, at which point I'd have to test my Mary Poppins skills and attempt to land safely at the deli across the street. All for a cup. Thankfully, soaking wet jeans was the worst of the weather. This month I'm trying Bustelo Supreme, a company I remember fondly in my youth. Did I ever mention I started drinking coffee at age 3? Yes, that explains my height. Bustelo is 100% freeze dried Colombiana. It has to be tasty. Colombian imports always are, ouch!

April Song

I'm appreciating the simple pleasures with such heightened awareness I'm afraid I'll tip over. Even what is missing gets a song. Snowflakes landing on an eyelash or my tongue. Rocking a swing with arms stretched, so that my feet touch the sky. Most recently it was for magnolia. It meant tipping over backwards for the last time (I promise), but the patrons, if not my flower, heard me.

Happy Birthday William

Look how the floor of heaven
Is thick inlaid with patines of bright gold:
There's not the smallest orb which thou behold'st
But in his motion like an angel sings,
Still quiring to the young-eyed cherubins;
Such harmony is in immortal souls;

If you guessed Lorenzo in The Merchant of Venice, you win a quill or a big, poofy, white shirt. I went to the Shakespeare Birthday Marathon at Hunter last night with two of the wittiest people ever. We laughed, we yawned, we growled. Our stomachs did anyway. Highlights included scenes from "As You Like It," "The Merchant...," "Much Ado...," with a wonderful assortment of actors, the hilarious "Complete Works (Abridged) - The Comedies," Tom Wopat singing a selection from "Kiss Me Kate" (I impressed everyone & showed my age big time by pointing out he was one of the Dukes...er of Hazzard), an opera singer, who might have been the best actor there, doing a piece from Verdi's "Falstaff," etc... We debated on when to leave because none of us wanted to. Ultimately, we did in the 3rd set. I don't care if it's William alive and well in his birthday suit, 3 hours is 3 hours too long without food in your belly. We ate pizza while plotting our next venture. Who knows what it will be. Probably something involving blueberries and beer, preferrably from Blue Point.

Cherry Pickin'

My idols today are sweet little ladies, who kick ass!

Happy Easter... from me, Cherry, & Cheri.

Stargazing

There are very few men, less than a handful, I would have wanted to take to the sod farms (which seem to get smaller every year). Just to see. One of them contacted me the other night. Sent me a poem. I'm not sure why because we were ages ago. It was sweet to have this mutual fondness for our brief togetherness. Stargazing. We held hands writing each other, I think, and then parted ways at dawn as old flames do.

Land of Talk

I've said too much. Always do. Is that a girl thing? I hope not. Otherwise, I'm really making us look bad. Maybe the talking will turn into one of those things a man cradles a woman for while she washes dishes. The stroking of my cheek or chuckling after I'm done telling, after I'm gone. Funny, I remember at times being silent when craving that kind of response most. Irony for the girls from the land of talk, I guess.

Thank g*d for live music. I was in there tonight, so I got to just listen. I'm good at listening.

Cycle 4

On Sunday I rode with a Puerto Rican vegan, whose dreads, among other things, would make Bob Marley proud. We drove to Central Park in a nifty jeep and did about 7 miles fairly quickly since it looked like it would downpour any second. I went down my first traily hill without falling. It/I was super cool. Later that day, I lost my balance admiring a f*cking brownstone in the midst of posh 10+ story buildings. Super lame. My left knee hit the hexagonal concrete and now I have a war wound with a cheesy back story to it. Damn you, yuppy scum!

Montauk

Antique shops, the Old Stove Pub, a pond surrounded by trees with old-lady elbows for branches, more vineyards, tiny cemetaries, horsies, those sacred dunes, a cliff, and the lighthouse... my head is swimming with impressions. Sadly, I only have these photos from an obsolete 3.3 megapixel camera. I'm hoping the others will be more of the "something-like" what I saw on March 24th.

My Favorite...

thing to do on Fridays, open up a bottle of wine and listen to jazz. Tonight on the bill is a 2005 Long Island Sauvignon Blanc by Macari and Billie Holiday Live at the Jazz Philharmonic. "No one but me and my memories..." - they sing. Feels so right.

Cycle 3

I rode with a pagan Lithuanian speedfreak, who looks a little like Gary Oldman in Bram Stoker's Dracula (top hat scenes). A movie I just saw for the first time last weekend. It was windy (again), but I had on enough layers for snow. I also wore brand new, overpriced, cycling shorts (underneath pants of course... I'm no metrosexual!) with the extra padding. They were worth every penny. My big butt doesn't hurt.

Progress Report

Montauk - Not only did I make it, I took 3 different cameras! I'm so cool. So much about my trip meant nothing & everything all at once. 3 cameras were not enough.
Yoga - Shoveling snow w/dad all day forced me right out of procrastination mode & into yoga stretches. Not sure which was harder.
Jazz lounge - Postponed until I learn &/or I'm "On the Sunny Side of the Street." Slooowly inching across.
Cell Phone - Sleep time set. All caught up, too.
Friends - Got 3 down here for grub/wine/dessert/movie, so far.
Books - They keep popping up like dandelions & am I ever slow. Starting with D. Young instead of D. Koller. Is it cheating if it's due to an assignment?
Amaryllis - Withered. Snipped. Read there might be a bud left before dormancy. Keep an eye out.
Big Pot - Saw tulips at the market. Very tempting, but haven't decided between them & this weird plant with cool spider web patterns I saw at HD (Home Depot).
Pets - Just because pets (i.e. turtles) are slow doesn't make them easy to take care of. Stick w/bettas for now. Research starfish and seahorses (yes, that's my girlie side). Just got a lead on crawfish.
Salsa - Si.
Ride - First Sunday was tough. Blaming the tires and the wind :)
Hang art - This is lame. I don't have a hammer anymore. Plus, need another set of eyes for measuring. They (eyes) will probably want to check out what I'm hanging up? Ayayay. Plan b: Hang "Cyclops," then switch.
Max - I was THIS close!
Poem - Posted on March 21 and already I'm a little lighter.
Photos - Scroll down please.

Lingonsylt

I went buck wild at Ikea and bought Swedish lingonberry preserves. Now I just have this urge to stick my finger in the jar.

spring promise

I didn't exactly make one, but I did mention, on a list, something about sharing. It's officially spring, so what better time. Things have gotten heavy lately. My back hurts. And well, I workshopped this one last night. The sharing here will only be temporary. What season isn't.

What happens....

when you start doubting the one friend who insists - in the way you adore, but would never admit - that "you are beautiful"
?

A little of this maybe...

I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint;
my heart is like wax;
it is melted within my breast;
my mouth is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to my jaws;
you lay me in the dust of death.

-Psalms 22:14-15.

Sunny, but Windy...

and I'm out of shape.

Bike Log: Low tire pressure. Stomach growling. Neither is good for riding. Most gas stations charge for air. Not like the good old days. Next time carry change. A Russian (cyclist) pumped air in my tires. A Frenchman (neighbor) bought me lunch. Who says we all can't get along?

Voila!

"Lost" Time

I'm taking a break from lots of things. In this case, I've been writing Tipsy for a whole year. It's time. But, before I go, here is a list. A friend of mine posted one & it looked like fun. Things to do before I return:

- Make it to Montauk with a real camera.
- Restart yoga in the morning.
- Go to the "singer's open mic" at a Manhattan jazz lounge.
- Set my cell phone alarm clock for bedtime.
- Have each of my friends - the ones I owe - over for dinner, dessert, wine, a movie, or all of the above.
- Read books from "the pile," but start with Koller, then borrowed, then HP, then the rest.
- Check the amaryllis.
- Plant something in the big pot. Maybe tulips.
- Research pet turtles and other pet fish.
- Salsa!
- Get insurance for the '65 Chevy.
- Ride my bike on the first sunny Sunday.
- Hang up some more art pieces, especially the nude - she's beautiful, but take her down when I hear the buzzard.
- No more dating until the semester is over... unless I can't resist.
- Meet Max Roll (Charlotte knows why).
- Use my refund to buy a floor screen, a vacuum, & a plane ticket.
- Practice the castanets.
- Decide if I'm dancing this summer, going to school, or actually using the plane ticket.
- Post a workshopped poem & photos of my Montauk trip or of anything else listed. I will do this while on break.

Feel free to add anything to the list that I may have forgotten. Perhaps it will inspire me.

Off to watch "Lost." Perfecto!

Dear Soloman

Tonight, when we discussed Ecclesiastes and I heard myself say that the style in which it was written suits the randomness of life, or something to that affect, it hit me. What I think is random in mine is often caused by the patterns I fall into. And so with that in my mind, I'm thinking - of course, I should have hung up on R___. It was the right thing to do. Yes, it was immature. Hell (ha!), I'll never do it again 'cause it's just disrespectful and not me. But damn it, I'm going to "enjoy and be merry" with that one for a while. As for everything else, maybe I'd better shake things up a bit. Lay low. Toil. Drive to Montauk and finally use a real camera.

Two Buds and a Sculpture

Recently I discovered that my amaryllis sprouted two buds. I kept the bulb in the fridge for too long, so this is truly a miracle. I'm also usually all thumbs, none of which are green, when it comes to planting. Now I dream of colors. What will be. Enjoying the possibilities that don't feel very infinite, but are still at the very least two.

Another plant, singled out for the dried up leaves & soil, sits on my window sill, which is over the radiater. For a while it flourished on my coffee table. Leaves like giant spoons. I mixed the soil, watered it, gave it some sun, and one by one leaves froze and withered. I kept trying though. Knowing they would. Usually, oh and this is usual, I march off to Home Depot and buy a new plant, not wanting to recognize my failure. So why this one, whose name I forgot, is kept at all is a mystery.

I am looking at amyryllis in the midst of the little island jungle I created for winter and my solitary plant sculpture, once a bunch of giant spoons. Which is more beautiful? There's just no telling.